My daughter is not a crying baby. She fusses now and then, hates having her hair combed, and has a littany of other issues, mostly the normal ones, but she just doesn’t cry very much. So when she does, I pay attention.
Two nights ago, after being extremely tired early in the evening, obviously bucking for an early bedtime(another abberration with her, she likes going to bed), she conked out very early, even for her. Then 30 minutes later awakes into a full out crying fit. Huge clear tears ran down her cheeks, and her breath started and stopped in her throat as she let out heart breaking sobs, even as she rocked in the chair with mommy.
We rocked her, then walked her back and forth for nearly twenty minutes before she was completely past whatever made her cry. When I was able to lay her down on our bed and make her giggle, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at her amazing face, wishing she could tell me what had been wrong, what makes a little girl cry?
As a writer obsessed with questions like this, I have spent the last few days thinking what really could unsettle a seemingly happy young child like mine. Two years ago I would have yawned, said ” Of course she’s dreaming about her mommy being gone, her dog being hurt, a toy falling on her toe… etc., but being in the middle of this, I don’t see how she could even fathom something like that, we are ALWAYS there with her. Her first experience of abandonment has yet to come, though maybe I am missing something from her perspective.
Was it the dark? We have recently started turning off her nightlight so she doesn’t stay up and play in her crib for hours after we put her to bed, exhausted until she hit’s her crib mattress. We left the light off last night and she was fine, but Wednesday I turned on her nightlight for her when I finally laid her back down.
What else is there? I can still remember some of the dreams I had as a child. Once upon a time I thought they were prophetic, the source of later deja vu. Thoughts such as these might fuel some good horror stories, but I don’t give them real creedence.
It’s all part of the mystery of children, wondering what they are thinking when they stare at something, of course, until she begins to talk more. As a writer I imagined a fictional baby with one descriptive word on her lips, trembling in her father’s comforting arms, and his mind racing as he connected it. These are the places that I create nightmares for print, or at least attempt to.
Using vernacular that I have no business with: that’s how I roll.
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June 27, 2008 at 6:26 am
[...] We rocked her, then walked her back and forth for nearly twenty minutes before she was completely past whatever made her cry. When I was able to lay her down on our bed and make her giggle, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at her amazing face, wishing she could tell me what had been wrong, what makes a little girl cry? more [...]
June 27, 2008 at 7:17 am
Nicely done.
I wonder if a 20 month old can dream of falling? Seems like *my* falling dreams – or just that dreamless sensation of falling – often happen as I’m drifting off to sleep. The sudden, startled awakening could be a shock to a toddler. She wouldn’t even need an understanding or actual experience of what just happened; the reflex alone might trigger the crying.
Night lights aren’t a bad thing either, in my experience. Although in-crib playing is a tricky thing to manage. You’ll think of something I’m sure.